A last minute child

kind_to_last minute across

What is it like when you get pregnant later on? An experience report about pregnancy at 42
That must be a mistake, I think when the midwife spreads the warmed gel on my stomach. I have talked myself into the tiredness, nausea in the last few weeks - a virus. The positive pregnancy test? Probably broken, maybe stored too long. But then this tiny something appears on the screen. And in the middle of the diffuse black and white a dark, throbbing point: the heart. I have tears in my eyes and laugh at the same time.

I'm 42, an almost biblical age for pregnant women, according to statistics. "Natural fertility ends at around 41," I recently read. Even without such numbers, I realize that I'm late. It hadn't happened before.

44. My mother was old when she got me.
Until the early 30s, my friend and I were busy with university and the first jobs. Then our relationship went into a spin: separation on a trial basis, pulling together and starting all over again. In such phases, some people put a "putty child" into the world. Unthinkable for me. At least at the time of conception, I wanted to be able to imagine growing old with my father. And then there was this number in my head: 44. My mother was at that age when she got me. I was an "accident", my brothers are 14 and 19 years older. Perhaps the fact that you yourself have an older mother makes you more relaxed about the topic of "children".

When I was in my mid-30s, mail came in almost every week: "Emilia / Finn / Leonie is here!" I was single again. "Well, it's getting tight," said a kitty child mom, whom I had previously thought was a friend. You can be happy even without a baby - I had experience with that. In addition, a child, since I'm old-fashioned, should be an expression of the love of two people. The only thing I missed was the man.

That changed with Joakim. When we moved in, I was 39 - and he was already a father. I was touched when his little one tugged at his sleeve and mumbled "Papini". Suddenly they were there, the pictures in their heads: their own family, two plus one ...

"Determine the ovarian reserve"
At the next check-up, I had my ovary volume measured and all relevant hormone levels checked. Experts call this "determining the ovarian reserve". I wanted to know whether and how much time I had left. "Looks very good," said my gynecologist. "For my age or in general?" I asked skeptically. You: "General."

I never felt that my mother was older
Will my daughter one day want to know why her friends' mothers look much younger? This is the question that concerns me. At the same time I say to myself: Relax. Also because I saw my mother working that it works. I never felt that she was older. She was my rock in the surf, experienced in life, humorous. Where younger people got hectic, she said: "Oh, child, we can do it!" There was a lot to do after my father died. He died when I was six. I had no grandparents, but aunts and uncles in their prime. That's probably why I never panicked after the goal. The 44 was anchored in my subconscious.

If my daughter was born in August, shortly before my 43rd birthday, there would still be time for an encore. Another point: from 40 you are ready to go all out.

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